FAQ

FAQ

How do I have "good" sex?

What follows is not a set of rules. Rules about sex are impossible-- what should matter is that what you do makes you feel good. And "feeling good" should last past the sex itself-- you should not feel anxious afterwards about getting her pregnant or catching some horrible disease, so planning ahead about contraception and safe sex is part of the idea.

What time should we have sex?

When you have sex doesn't really matter. What should matter instead is that you and your partner have sex when you are both comfortable. Some people prefer to make love at the break of dawn, some in the afternoon sun, some in the darkness of night. More important than time of day is the time you have to spend. Give yourself a lot of time to have sex the first time. A weekend is ideal, but at least the whole day, including sleep time.

Should we eat or drink anything before sex?

Avoid eating a heavy meal, since that'll just make you sleepy. Eat light, don't drink too much alcohol, if any at all. It may help you shed inhibitions, but it may also make his erection much more difficult to achieve and you want to spend more time in the bedroom than the bathroom anyway, right?

Where should we have sex?

Where you have sex is probably a more important decision. Finding a place where you both can be private for up to forty-eight hours can be difficult at that age where most people are planning on losing their virginity. But it's worth it. Cars are no longer big enough to have sex in, and the outdoors has less privacy, bugs, sand, and pine needles. A bed is probably the best thing to make love in, still. Hopefully you'll have a room to yourself, with all the amenities that a bedroom affords, including heat, comfort, space, and the bathroom. Take a shower together! If you're about to have sex, you've probably had your hands all over each other before now. Get to know each other's bodies. Take your time. That's what lovemaking is about.

What is cunnilingus?

Cunnilingus is the fine art of making love to a vulva and vagina with your mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill, requiring patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but any woman you learn to do it right for will appreciate you all the more for it. What applies to the penis applies to the vulva -- every one is different, requiring a different touch to make its owner happy. But few tools can equal the tongue for the amount of pleasure it can deliver to a happy vagina. This article assumes that you know what a vulva looks like and can identify with some precision the mons veneris, labia majora, clitoral hood, clitoris, crura, labia minora, urethra, vagina, and perineum, to name them (approximately) from top to bottom. If you are unsure, first read to the section on female sexual anatomy.

How fast should I go?

This isn't an attack. Don't go after the clitoris like a fireman attacking a fire. Quite often at first, the clitoral glans is far too sensitive for direct stimulation. Lick around it, stimulating the hood and the crura, teasing her inner labia, tasting her. Take your time and listen to her. Some women make noise, and some do not. It will be a while before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as far as oral sex is concerned. Some women may like additional stimulation-- a finger or two into the vagina, or perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her labia apart so that your tongue can get at her vulva more directly. As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In general, fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing climax -- but there shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time and learn to appreciate what you can do for her.

I've heard cunnilingus doesn't taste good.

If the taste or smell bothers you or is a concern, ask her to wash first. Most people who enjoy cunnilingus agree that a clean vagina is a good, if acquired, taste.